The Patent Desk

EXPLOSION CONTAINMENT NET

Sat, 28 Aug 2010 14:29:00 +0100

Inventor: O. Alan Breazeale
Patent number: 6854374
Filing date: Aug 12, 2003
Issue date: Feb 15, 2005

Watch out! He’s got a bandana and long hair! …and what’s he casually lobbing? Probably one of those Yippies. Well, no time to find out… …better use the Explosion Containment Net, safe than sorry and all that. If the authorities are going to target protestors for exercising their rights, this method is better than The National Guards firing 67 rounds over a period of 13 seconds, killing four students and wounding nine others.

IMPROVEMENT IN MOUSTACHE-GUARDS

Sun, 08 Aug 2010 22:53:00 +0100

Inventor: Eli J. Randolph
Patent number: 123839
Issue date: Feb 20, 1872

Those guards are always improving… …and while nobody wants a sticky stache, it’s part and parcel of looking cool and eating spaghetti… I mean this guy gets away with having a guard because it matches his armless glasses. But the rest of us just have to wipe our moustaches with our hands. It’s serious!

CHILDREN'S SUNGLASSES

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:09:00 +0100

Inventors: Renee Resler, Gary W. Hall
Patent number: 7314278
Filing date: Nov 2, 2006
Issue date: Jan 1, 2008

Yeah, that’s a snug fit… …and you’ve got velcro ‘round the back for easy grip. No more worries about the sun damaging your children’s eyes. You can send the children out to bask in the sun and not worry about their little peepers… …the only drawback is they’ll look like Jim Carrey’s Riddler in Batman Begins.

CHRIST BANNER

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 20:01:00 +0100

Inventor: James Jordon Thompson
Patent number: D479485
Filing date: Sep 29, 2001
Issue date: Sep 9, 2003

Christ beside me, Christ before me, Christ on my banner… The dove and olive branch are classic symbols of peace. Both the Torah and the Old Testament describe a dove released by Noah after the Great Flood in order to find land. The dove came back carrying an olive branch in its beak, a sign that the floods were over. Hallelujah! Wonder where you’re going to display yours… In your station wagon? In your recreation center? Hang it from your window?

SUNTANNING POOL AND METHOD OF TANNING

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 13:46:00 +0100

Inventor: Mary M. O’Brien
Patent number: 4734944
Filing date: Jul 28, 1986
Issue date: Apr 5, 1988

It’s hot out there but you’re cooling off in your portable suntanning pool. Got your shades on and a beverage. Your skin looks a hundred years old, your hair is bleached and your in a crabby mood all the time from starving yourself… …but hey, you’re worth it!

ANATOMICALLY CORRECT CANDY NOVELTY

Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:54:00 +0100

Inventor: Jason A. Barba
Application number: 10/256,143
Publication Number:US 2004/0062836 A1
Filing date: Sep 27, 2002

Wildcat! This is a strange concept for candy, but your kids are going to love it. An anatomically correct candy novelty made of an exterior layer of confectionery material that represents the skin and flesh of an anatomically correct human body part, and an interior layer of hard candy material that represents the skeleton of the same anatomically correct human body part. So chomp away on flesh and bone, gobbling ears and slurping down eyes. We’re living in a time when most of our processed food bares little or no resemblance to it’s nature. If meet looks like plastic, candy might as well look like flesh.

ARM PROTECTIVE GARMENT

Sat, 05 Jun 2010 21:52:00 +0100

Inventor: George V. Rael
Patent number: 5357633
Filing date: Feb 25, 1993
Issue date: Oct 25, 1994

Hair - Check. Cheekbones - Check. Truckers Tan - Check… It’s tough when you got a job to do in this hot weather. Driver’s arm is almost unavoidable without keeping sun cream on your door arm. It’s hot out there, but don’t worry tough guy, just slide into this arm sling and hang your hand right out the window. It’s even got a handy thumb hole. Keep on truckin’.

SHOE (SPERRY TOP-SIDER)

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:36:00 +0100

Inventor: Paul A. Sperry
Patent number: 2206860
Filing date: Nov 30, 1937
Issue date: Jul 9, 1940

This summer sees a million John F. Kennedy Juniors sporting decks and polos… …but the story behind the original Sperry Top-Sider is the stuff of legend, the sole was originally carved with a penknife by Paul Sperry after watching his cocker spaniel run across the ice without slipping one winter’s day in Connecticut. Flipping over Prince’s paw he noticed the hundreds of tiny wave like cracks and cuts going in all directions. Prince’s paws became the inspiration for Sperry’s patent, called Razor-Siping (an implementation of a process of splitting a shoe sole invented and patented in the 1920s by John Sipe). Sperry asked the President of Converse Rubber Company if he would make the shoe, his reply “I will make any damn thing that I can make a profit on”… Converse blanked out the soles, shipped them to Sperry and he cut the non-skid designs himself with Abercrombie & Finch eventually getting exclusive rights for distribution in New York City. Sperry’s shoe quickly became popular with boaters not only for its non-slip sole but also for its white color, which prevented the shoe from leaving marks on a boat’s deck. Before the Top-Sider boaters risked injury while walking on the slippery decks, now they could practically dance from bow to stern. The shoe remained a niche product until 1939 when the U.S. Navy negotiated the right to manufacture the shoe for its sailors. As a result of the Navy contract, Sperry’s business was purchased by the U.S. Rubber Co. (who sperry had originally approached to manufacture the shoe), which then marketed the shoe across the country.

Previous shoe post: Reversible Heel For Shoes (Vans)

AMUSEMENT WATER SLIDE AND METHOD

Tue, 18 May 2010 14:22:00 +0100

Inventor: Dwight L. Myers
Assignee: Water-Boggan, Inc.
Patent number: 3923301
Filing date: Sep 19, 1974
Issue date: Dec 2, 1975

Summer’s here kids and it’s time to dust off the board shorts and head to the local waterpark… These stunning illustrations from 1974 describe a method of using the natural contours and topography of hilly land bordering a body of water to carve a waterside trench. The slide zig-zags through the beautiful landscape past trees and rocks down to a landing pool at the bottom of the slideway to provide safe deacceleration for successive riders…

The Golden Age of Summer where nature and man intertwine in a beautiful dance… Legend has it that my local waterpark ‘The Rainbow Rapids’ Dun Laoghaire were shut down after a kid wearing a ring lost a finger in the tube…

EXERCISE DEVICE FOR ATTACHMENT TO A WHEELCHAIR

Mon, 10 May 2010 17:24:00 +0100

Inventor: Claudia Durham / Jeffrey E. Hopkins
Patent number: 4572501
Filing date: Jul 1, 1983
Issue date: Feb 25, 1986

Such long legs… There’s many, many patents for wheelchair accessories such as this exercise device. Wheelchair exercise is very important for helping increase strength, flexibility, muscle-tone as well as self-esteem (see Joe Swanson). Exercise also prevents DVT (deep vein thrombosis) and other poor health outcomes.

NUMERIC MOUSE ONE HAND CONTROLLABLE COMPUTER PERIPHERAL POINTING DEVICE

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 23:52:00 +0100

Inventor: Ronald G. Chang
Patent number: 5063376
Filing date: May 5, 1989
Issue date: Nov 5, 1991

All this talk about the iPad has me scratching my head… There’s been a ton of nifty inventions that have {so far} failed to take off. Why am I using a keyboard when I could by typing on my mouse? As Apple strips the mouse back to a smooth curved Magic Mouse and replaces keyboards with multi-touch LCD’s… …aren’t we losing something? Clunky buttons, wires & 8-bit graphics…

MOON CAPSULE SUIT

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:54:00 +0100

Inventor: Otto Schuller
Patent number: 3139622
Filing date: Apr 17, 1961
Issue date: Jul 1964

The cost of space exploration is a complicated subject; with a 2010 budget of almost $18 billion many argue that money would be better spent right here on the big blue marble for medical research, social programs, finding solutions to poverty, hunger and homelessness. Meanwhile Professor Stephen Hawking is worried about contact with aliens leading to the raiding of planet earth for precious resources and moving on. “If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans.” Hawking realizes the need to explore space for the future of humanity but envisages a long-term space exploration project starting with building an experimental base on the moon within 30 years, and devising a new propulsion system to take us on a planetary hunt outside our solar system in 200-500 years.

JOYSTICK CONTROL (ATARI)

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 22:41:00 +0100

Inventor: James C. Asher
Patent number: 4349708
Filing date: Aug 22, 1979
Issue date: Sep 14, 1982

Back in the day it was fun but simple. The mighty Atari 2600, myself and my brother played ours so much we destroyed the joystick! After the stick snapped off we ripped out the chipboard, used it like a joypad and went right on playing; Centipede, Yars’ Revenge and Ms. Pacman. Yars’ Revenge, the most popular original-concept Atari game ever, was insane! A droning industrial soundtrack grates in the background while a swirling symbol is fired at you. One word comes to mind when I play it now; evil! Oddly enough the killer swirl looks not unlike a Nazi Swastika, so much so that eBay refuses to list the game fearing it contains Nazi Propaganda. Atari games had great playability but you needed a good imagination to fill in the graphics; In a distant galaxy the civilization known as the Yars were attacked by the fierce Qotiles. Though badly damaged, the Yars’ fought back using their mechanical ships that look like giant metal insects. Years later I managed to complete Centipede, game just starts again!

LAP DANCE LINER

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 13:39:00 +0100

Inventor: Wesley K. Johnson
Patent number: RE39371
Filing date: Feb 21, 2003
Issue date: Oct 31, 2006

Hey, you ever been down to the strip club? I said you ever been down the strip club? If you want to avoid a sticky situation next time, how’s about bringing a Lap Dance Liner with you. It’s a combination pouch and underwear worn by a man for facilitating sexual activity such as lap dancing. The pouch is worn over the sex organs of a man under the underwear pant, which is adapted by an elastic waistband for compressively pinning the pouch in place. Nasty!

UPPER & ELEMENT FOR A SHOE (BACK TO THE FUTURE PART II / NIKE)

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 23:49:00 +0100

Inventor: Tinker L. Hatfield
Assignees: Nike, Inc., Nike International Ltd.
Patent number: D324129 / D329126
Filing date: Apr 6, 1990

Self Drying Jackets, Self Tying Sneakers, Hoverboards; back in ‘89 every kid wanted Marty McFly’s Power Lace kicks. In ‘90 Nike International Ltd. went ahead and patented the design but it took almost 20 years and a massive internet campaign to get Nike moving. Summer 2008 saw the release of the Nike McFly 2015. Although they’re based on the original they have one major flaw; no air-pressurized auto-lacing! The shoes are basically a mashup of Marty’s sneaker and Kobe Bryant’s Hyperdunks which is cool, but kinda lame too. 350 pairs were originally released with prices between $600 and $2,000 I’m going to hold off till 2015 for the real deal. On the plus side you can get your Hoverboard now!

TOY SAVINGS BANK

Sat, 03 Apr 2010 16:51:00 +0100

Inventors: Charles G. Shepard & Peter Adams Jr.
Patent number: 255090
Filing date: Feb 4, 1882
Issue date: Mar 1882

A haunting patent from 1882. This design for a money box that eats your coins actually went on to be produced and marketed as child’s toy ‘Greedy Nigger Boy’. Although the unique part of the patent is the lever operating the hand, making it seem as if the figure is eating each coin, the illustration still depicts racial stereotypes with crudely exaggerated features. Shepard & Adams are the real greedy boys here, happy to make money by maintaing racist ideologies.

EYES-EARS-NOSE-PROCETOR

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 14:40:00 +0100

Inventor: Donald L. Allewalt
Patent number: 5619750
Filing date: Dec 4, 1995
Issue date: Apr 15, 1997

The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on. He took a face from the ancient gallery and he walked on down the hall… This patent claims to be for an eyes-ears-nose protector includes eye-glasses with attached nose protector to protect simultaneously the nose, eyes, and ears from direct and side excessive sunlight. But the model looks more like an unstoppable cyborg assassin who has been sent back from the future by a collective of artificially intelligent computer-controlled machines bent on the extermination of the human race! Don’t cha’ think?

IMPROVEMENT IN SPURS

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 23:58:00 +0000

Inventor: Anson Mills
Patent number: 193342
Filing date: Jul 10, 1877
Issue date: Jul 1877

I got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle. This handsome illustration comes from the wild west and is for a patent by lieutenant colonel Anson Mills of the United States Army. Spurs are worn by cowboys to control horses. The rowels are used to dig into the sides of the horse to aid in steering the steed in conjunction with the tack and reins. Generally spurs have rowels that are round and blunt by design, however the more fancy custom made spurs which feature pointed star rowels can hurt the horse.

MUSTACHE GUARD

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:33:00 +0000

Inventor: Charles Miller
Patent number: 258243
Filing date: Jan 10, 1882
Issue date: May 23, 1882

Mamma Mia! That’s a spicy meatball… Mustache Guard patents are always fun and popular here at the desk. They seem like quaint relics from a bygone era when men took care of grooming with great pride… …and when you’ve spent the time this gentleman has working on your facial hair the last thing you want is to get Minestrone soup on your lip tickler!

Previous mustache post: Mustache Guard

AUTOMOBILE / MOUNTING FOR A VEHICLE DOOR (DELOREAN)

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 17:19:00 +0000

Inventors: Giorgetto Giugiaro / John Z. DeLorean
Assignee: Delorean Motor Company
Patent number: D283882 / 4378658
Filing date: Jun 12, 1981 / Feb 4, 1981
Issue date: May 20, 1986 / Apr 5, 1983

Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads! Stainless steel, gull-wing doors, grey hair, drug trafficking, 88 mph… All the stuff of legend. John Z. DeLorean was a fascinating but ultimately flawed man. He said he had more than 200 patents including designs for tennis rackets and monorails. Every car built in the world today contains at least one of his creations. Brash and charismatic he left behind a successful career with General Motors to form his own DeLorean Motor Company (DMC) in 1974. The company would only produce one car before collapsing, however the DMC-12 was an instant classic and it’s influence would ripple throughout history.

Designed by Italdesign’s Giorgetto Giugiaro. The car entered into production as the DMC-12, but is generally known as the DeLorean. A stainless steel body, gull-wing doors. and the “Douvrin” V6 engine set it apart. The manufacturing plant to build the new car was built in Dunmurry, Northern Ireland, with substantial financial incentives from the Northern Ireland Development Agency of around £100 million. A great boost to a troubled Northern Ireland, the factory employed over 2000 workers from early 1981, but by February 1982 the company was in receivership. It turned out around 9,000 cars over 21 months before the British government ordered its closure in November 1982.

From the mid 80’s onward things got messy for DeLorean becoming involved in a bizarre cocaine bust that involved the FBI and Larry Flynt. DeLorean successfully defended himself with a procedural defense, arguing that the police had asked him to supply the money to buy the cocaine. His attorney stated in Time, “This was a fictitious crime. Without the government, there would be no crime.” The DeLorean defense team did not call any witnesses. DeLorean was found not guilty due to entrapment on August 16, 1984. The car is of course fondly remembered today as the Time Machine from Back To The Future.