Inventor: Robert C. Hice, Sr.  
Patent number: 4337844
Filing date: Apr 28, 1980
Issue date: Jul 6, 1982

Nothing like getting back to nature… The call of the wild, hunting for recreation! But why stand around in the cold when you can sit up in a tree lounging and picking off game in style. Pow, Pow. They wont even see you coming… …low n’ lazy!

Inventor: George Stangl
Patent number: D150474
Filing date: May 15, 1948
Issue date: Aug 1948

Just before the glory of the 1950’s, George Stangl, a citizen of Hungary, residing in New York decided to kill two birds with one stone and combine sunglasses with a scarf. It’s a look the B-52’s would kill for some years later, but on May 15, 1948, it was George’s dream… This beautiful design could have made a million housewife’s (sorry ladies) extremely happy. I just can’t help wondering when the John Waters combined  sunglasses with scarf will be out.

Inventor: Constantine Sargentini
Patent number: 4601070
Filing date: Jun 17, 1985
Issue date: Jul 22, 1986

Late January means only one thing! Time to hit the slopes for hard-partying at Ski School… It’s The Slobs Vs. The Snobs! This prank hat comes from 1985, the same year John Cusack raced Roy Stalin down the K-12 in the classic movie Better Off Dead… A movie that also featured one of the greatest scenes of the decade; a hamburger jamming to Van Halen’s Everybody Wants Some!! while playing Eddie’s Kramer Frankenstrat guitar… …The perfect guitar, seing as he was just brought to life à la Frankenstein…

Previous shoe post: Eddie Van Halen’s Musical Instrument Support

Inventor: Prince Rogers Nelson
Patent number: D349127
Filing date: Jan 16, 1992

Issue date: Jul 26, 1994

U have 2 love the artist formerly known as “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince” or Prince Rogers Nelson 2 his mother. He was right in the middle of legal battles over artistic and financial control with Warner Bros. Records when he filed this patent 4 his Portable Keytar (also known as the Purpleaxxxe!) It was a messy time for Prince and he never really recovered, appearing in public with “Slave” scrawled in Sharpie on his cheek. Prince explained:

 ”Prince is the name that my mother gave me at birth. Warner Bros. took the name, trademarked it, and used it as the main marketing tool to promote all of the music that I wrote. The company owns the name Prince and all related music marketed under Prince. I became merely a pawn used to produce more money for Warner Bros… I was born Prince and did not want to adopt another conventional name. The only acceptable replacement for my name, and my identity, was the Love Symbol, a symbol with no pronunciation, that is a representation of me and what my music is about. This symbol is present in my work over the years; it is a concept that has evolved from my frustration; it is who I am. It is my name”.

Of course his Purpleaxxxe wasn’t his only involvement with the USPTO. The name “Prince” is a trademark owned by Paisley Park Enterprises, Inc. It was initially filed with the United States Patent and Trademark Office in 2005 in the categories of printed materials, clothing, electronic commerce, and entertainment services based on first commercial in 1978.

Prince has used a tom of pseudonyms over the years, including Jamie Starr and The Starr Company, Joey Coco, Paisley Park, Alexander Nevermind and Christopher (used for his song writing credit of “Manic Monday” 4 The Bangles).

Inventor: Raquel Coleman
Patent number: 6154690
Filing date: Oct 8, 1999
Issue date: Nov 28, 2000

Hey! Remember the Burger King Kids Club? Who was your favourite multi-ethnic fictional character? Who did you most relate to as a kid? Was it Kid Vid, the pre-internet Caucasian male who loved video games, technology and was the leader of the group? Then there was Boomer, the sports loving Caucasian tomboy with red hair. I.Q., was the male Caucasian nerd who wore red glasses, a green lab coat, and a pocket protector. Who could forget Jaws, the tall African-American male with an insatiable appetite. Maybe you were more of a Lingo type, he was the multi-lingual, Hispanic male who liked art and carried an easel. Guess I was kinda like Snaps, the blonde Caucasian female who always carried her camera with a bit of Jaws thrown in… Now that I think about it, I wasn’t really like any of the BK Kids… I was the teenager working on the other side of the Burger King counter in Burger King Dun Laoghaire. While I was there we won the award for worst Burger King in the UK and Ireland… Go team!

Anyway for some reason this patent reminds me of the BK team, I guess this kid has the peppy attitude of Wheels, the Caucasian paraplegic male in a wheelchair. Like me the BK kids grew up and moved on… …but Burger King stores in the Middle East are still using the BK Kid’s Club Gang for its children’s advertising, though I.Q. and Jazz are absent.

Inventor: O. Alan Breazeale
Patent number: 6854374
Filing date: Aug 12, 2003
Issue date: Feb 15, 2005

Watch out! He’s got a bandana and long hair! …and what’s he casually lobbing? Probably one of those Yippies. Well, no time to find out… …better use the Explosion Containment Net, safe than sorry and all that. If the authorities are going to target protestors for exercising their rights, this method is better than The National Guards firing 67 rounds over a period of 13 seconds, killing four students and wounding nine others.

Inventor: Eli J. Randolph
Patent number: 123839
Issue date: Feb 20, 1872

Those guards are always improving… …and while nobody wants a sticky stache, it’s part and parcel of looking cool and eating spaghetti… I mean this guy gets away with having a guard because it matches his armless glasses. But the rest of us just have to wipe our moustaches with our hands. It’s serious!

Inventors: Renee Resler, Gary W. Hall
Patent number: 7314278
Filing date: Nov 2, 2006
Issue date: Jan 1, 2008

Yeah, that’s a snug fit… …and you’ve got velcro ‘round the back for easy grip. No more worries about the sun damaging your children’s eyes. You can send the children out to bask in the sun and not worry about their little peepers… …the only drawback is they’ll look like Jim Carrey’s Riddler in Batman Begins.

Inventor: James Jordon Thompson
Patent number: D479485
Filing date: Sep 29, 2001
Issue date: Sep 9, 2003

Christ beside me, Christ before me, Christ on my banner… The dove and olive branch are classic symbols of peace. Both the Torah and the Old Testament describe a dove released by Noah after the Great Flood in order to find land. The dove came back carrying an olive branch in its beak, a sign that the floods were over. Hallelujah! Wonder where you’re going to display yours… In your station wagon? In your recreation center? Hang it from your window?

Inventor: Mary M. O’Brien  
Patent number: 4734944
Filing date: Jul 28, 1986
Issue date: Apr 5, 1988

It’s hot out there but you’re cooling off in your portable suntanning pool. Got your shades on and a beverage. Your skin looks a hundred years old, your hair is bleached and your in a crabby mood all the time from starving yourself… …but hey, you’re worth it!